Free to Be

Amazing things happen when I stop trying to be someone I’m not. Stop trying to take someone else’s photos, follow someone else’s inspiration.

See, for years now I’ve ravenously explored other photographers’ work. Now, don’t get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with looking at, admiring and even emulating other work. The problem, for me, came when I realized I wasn’t just admiring and trying to emulate. I was trying to BE someone I’m not.

Can I make a similar image to one I’ve seen and loved? Sure. I have done a pretty decent job of it as well. But it still lacked that certain something. That oomph. That “thing” that made my heart sing and my brain say “now THAT’S why I do this”. I have even read other photographer’s techniques and tried to use them thinking they would make me a better photographer.

And, you know what? It didn’t. It won’t. You know why? Because I can only use the talents God has given me. I am not expected to be someone else. I am not expected to shoot photographs like someone else. I shouldn’t try. God made me to be me, no one else. And it is amazing what happens when I finally get that lesson through my thick skull and started putting it into practice.

Last night I had a shoot with the lovely Lizzie B. (Not my Lizzy B.) Now, first I have to admit that it is difficult to shoot a bad picture of Lizzie. She’s gorgeous. On top of that, she’s the type of client I truly enjoy working with. Never seems like work with her. It is an afternoon of fun, the entire experience is enjoyable. Lizzie always has ideas and things she wants to try. Poses she likes and poses she definitely DOESN’T like. That’s information I can work with.

Our shoot last night saw a bit of rain, just like the last one we had. This time, however, we only saw light sprinkles rather than the torrential downpour of last time. When I got home I was pretty sure I’d gotten a couple really good shots and the rest would be culled and sorted, showing only the best ones. Finally sat down at my computer around 9pm to download all the images and get ready to proof the “sneak peak” I like to send as soon after the shoot as possible.

I opened up the files and the shots that I was expecting to be “really good” were amazing. Something just clicked last night and Lizzie made some gorgeous portraits. Very Cinderalla, ethereal, “I’m waiting for my Prince Charming”. Exactly what I had in mind when I set out to take her pictures.

I can’t show you any of them yet. They are going on the save the date cards and announcements for her Quinceañera in November. Don’t want to spoil the surprise of those! When I can show you, I will. For now, trust me, they are perfect!

I am regularly awed at how God works in my life. Little ole’ me. He has plans for little ole’ me. That just takes my breath away. He’s been molding and shaping me lately and I seem to be growing by leaps and bounds. It has taken me 35 years to discover that it is ok to be me. It is more than ok, it is what I should be doing. I am who I am in Christ and nothing can change that. His view of me is way beyond anything I can even imagine or think and that, my friends, is incredible.

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Nature Walks – Hidden Pond Nature Center

Took our first nature walk of the summer today at Hidden Pond in Springfield.  Such a lovely place tucked away in the city.  You’d basically never know that  you were surrounded by civilization by looking around.  Well, except that you have to drive through it to get into the area.

There were several turtle sightings but none caught on camera very well.

Katy stopped to draw the fungi on the log.  We were trying very hard to slow down and really see what we could find.  Enjoying the small things that in our haste to finish the trail we might have missed.  The calling of birds, the fallen logs, the bugs and tracks.

We followed the path of this creek for quite a while.  The girls had fun having races with leaves.  They found water bugs, minnows, animal tracks and all sorts of interesting tid bits.

Steven found tons of wildlife for us.  Too bad it happened to be the mosquito variety.

All of my girls are talented.  I’m not bragging, they just each have very different abilities that they excel in.  Lizzy is a keen observer.  We jokingly call her the “Eagle Eye” because she’ll spot things that no one else sees unless she points them out to us specifically and we strain our feeble eyes to find the object.  She found several things today that I had to go back and look for because I couldn’t see them the first try.

We saw quite a few of these little guys about.

Lizzy stopped to sketch the butterfly.  About this part of the trail is when Steven and I began to chat about our different approaches and thoughts about the trail and nature walking in general.  He walks in with a goal in mind.  He wants to finish the trail.  He wants to ford the streams and walk the paths, cross the bridges and finish.

I, on the other hand, want to meander through the various highways and byways.  I want to stop and smell the roses, so to speak.  I want to slow down and really look around to see what there is out there.  Tiny butterflies, feathers on the path, berries, deer tracks, strange black dragonflies that we’ve never seen before.

We sort of balance one another out, he and I.  If he was fully in charge of the walk, we’d get in, get out and be done in the minimum amount of time necessary to complete the trail.  If I were fully in charge, we’d be there til Christmas.

Everything was so quiet and peaceful here.  Hard to imagine we were just 20 minutes or so from our house in the hustle and bustle of  D.C.

Emily, of course, found something creepy crawly to play with.

Weather wise, we couldn’t have picked a better day to go.  Barely out of the mid 70’s, overcast, super weather and nothing like the typical July here.  We all wore long pants even.

Lizzy had to show off her bubble making skills.  She’s such a kook.  She always makes me laugh.

Thus ended our first nature walk of the summer.  We plan to go at least once a week to various places around here.  I have oodles of options bookmarked for us to try.  Will be sharing more as we go.

Ants In My Pants

I am antsy today.  Impatient.  Fidgety.  Ready to be and do and go, with nowhere to go.  I don’t know if it is the fact that we’ve been here 3 years now and my mind automatically leans towards preparing for going away.  Maybe that’s what it is.

D.C. is so fast paced.  Seems to be a much more “in a hurry” kind of town.  Maybe it is the fact that I’m just over the hurry.  I prefer a much slower pace of life.  Mayberry, so to speak.

In all likelihood, even if we move, the new city will be pretty busy.  There aren’t too many Air Force bases in Mayberry-esque towns.  

Right now, it is a quiet, cloudy Sunday afternoon.  Chances are it will be raining soon.  Perfect nap taking, book reading, movie watching weather.  But, here I sit.  My computer chair bouncing with the agitated, anxious movement of my leg.  Don’t feel like I can sit still.  I need to find something to do with all this pent up “giddy up”.

Sure, I could go clean house.  I’ve already spent one day this week scrubbing the walls and baseboards downstairs.  But I don’t feel like cleaning.  I’d rather save that for when The Boy isn’t home.

I could go read, but I’m not sure I could sit still and focus.  

I have a photo shoot scheduled for this evening but looks like it will be raining by then.  

The sounds of the Braves game The Boy is listening to, which normally keeps me interested, isn’t slowing my brain either.  

Maybe if I write out what things are bouncing around in my brain, I can slow down and lose the fidgets.

The Boy’s job and all the possibilities, that’s the majority of it.  There are many ways this could go and I’m behind him 100% no matter what he chooses.  I’m excited for him.  He’s waited a long time to come to this decision and it means a great deal to his future.  I’ve been praying that God will give him direction and wisdom.  That whatever the answer is that he hears it clearly and there is no doubt.  I’ve also been praying that God will help me to leave it alone.  Not pester him about it.  Not ask all the questions bouncing around in my brain since I know he doesn’t have the answers and that makes him crazy.  I want to be there when HE’S ready to talk about it.  Having prayed him up while I wait.

Now maybe I can go relax a bit now.

Take a Look

I love summer. For all sorts of reasons. Swimming. Strawberry pie. Ice water on a hot afternoon. Lightning bugs. Long days. Gardening. Flowers. Fresh fruits and vegetables.

I love walking outside first thing in the morning to have a look at all our flowers and our garden.  The new blooms that have popped up over night.

The favorite items that, no matter where the Air Force moves us, are always there.  Peeking out from behind the garden we’ve grown at this home at this moment in our lives.  

I’ve always loved this statue.  Makes me think of my girls, sharing a book outside in the summer.  

Squash blossoms peeking out amongst the leaves.

Tiny green strawberries hiding on the edges of the pot.  Each morning I have to see if the birds have left us any strawberries.  They won’t touch the wild strawberries that grow along our fence.  They much prefer to steal the delectable ones in our strawberry pot.

The promise of fresh summer tomatoes makes me smile.  I don’t love tomatoes, I admit it.  But The Boy loves them.  He’ll walk out to the patio, pick one right off the plant, rinse it off at the sink and eat it like an apple.  Makes my heart happy to be able to do that for him.

I enjoyed taking a few minutes to step outside and take a look at the little things around me.  Sometimes we get in such a rush to hurry along and survive another day.  We’re waiting for that perfect moment, that perfect time to be able to enjoy ourselves.   Retirement, summer vacation, etc.

Step outside today and take a look around.  If you can’t find beauty right away, do what I did.  Walk around a bit.  Sit down in the grass, wiggle your toes in it.  Lay on your belly next the flower beds and just look.  Don’t think.  Just look.  There’s bound to be something there that catches your fancy.

If nothing else, at least you’ll give the neighbors something to talk about.  

Keeping Busy In Order To Keep My Mind Off Things

 

My dream garden

If I could have any yard at all, it would look something like that.  The cottage garden has so much appeal to me.  It is untamed and wild and yet controlled and orderly at the same time.  A paradox.  Like me I suppose.  

A profusion of colors, shapes, sizes.  A plethora of fragrances.  A haven for butterflies and birds.  Fat, fuzzy bumblebees lazily looping in and out of flower and leaf.  Small hidden spots of joy nestled into secret spots.  A birdfeeder.  A birdbath.  A pretty bench.  That is my idea of peaceful.

Will I ever be able to have that in base housing?  No, not really.  But that’s ok.  I can have a modified garden in containers on my patio and front porch.  In the flower beds under my front windows.  I can have a vegetable garden that covers my patio.  Corn, squash, beans and peas.  Tomatoes fat and ripe and full of the taste of summer and sunshine.  Juicy red strawberries so sweet and tender and delightful.

On a different note, there are only 12 days until The Boy comes back.  The girls and I are so ready for him to be here.  We miss him a great deal when he’s gone.  The first few days after he left, Kenneth and Frances were here and I was occupied with the last shows of Annie.  My mind didn’t have time to go there.  That’s probably a good thing.  

The house feels strange when he’s gone.  Empty and lonely despite the fact that is anything but.  My home is generally brimming with the sounds of little girls at play.  Giggles and silly songs.  The smell of warmth and play in their hair as they come in from spending time outside.  We call it the warm puppy smell.  

Prior to this trip the hardest part of my day when The Boy is gone had been after the girls went to bed.  Generally that’s “our” time.  We might watch movies, play games, read or just hang out while we both goof off on the computer.  Even more so on this trip the late afternoon into evening is especially tough.  Our daytime hours don’t run concurrently at the moment so there is a large portion of my day that he’s sleeping.  

Now that Annie is over I’m having a hard time getting my ducks in a row.  Maybe it is a combination of that and his being gone.  I have a lot of generic mundane things to get done but each one of them takes a daunting amount of time to complete.  A bit overwhelming to start.  I’m not sure what to tackle first.  It will all get done, just may take some time.