See, for years now I’ve ravenously explored other photographers’ work. Now, don’t get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with looking at, admiring and even emulating other work. The problem, for me, came when I realized I wasn’t just admiring and trying to emulate. I was trying to BE someone I’m not.

Can I make a similar image to one I’ve seen and loved? Sure. I have done a pretty decent job of it as well. But it still lacked that certain something. That oomph. That “thing” that made my heart sing and my brain say “now THAT’S why I do this”. I have even read other photographer’s techniques and tried to use them thinking they would make me a better photographer.

And, you know what? It didn’t. It won’t. You know why? Because I can only use the talents God has given me. I am not expected to be someone else. I am not expected to shoot photographs like someone else. I shouldn’t try. God made me to be me, no one else. And it is amazing what happens when I finally get that lesson through my thick skull and started putting it into practice.

Last night I had a shoot with the lovely Lizzie B. (Not my Lizzy B.) Now, first I have to admit that it is difficult to shoot a bad picture of Lizzie. She’s gorgeous. On top of that, she’s the type of client I truly enjoy working with. Never seems like work with her. It is an afternoon of fun, the entire experience is enjoyable. Lizzie always has ideas and things she wants to try. Poses she likes and poses she definitely DOESN’T like. That’s information I can work with.

Our shoot last night saw a bit of rain, just like the last one we had. This time, however, we only saw light sprinkles rather than the torrential downpour of last time. When I got home I was pretty sure I’d gotten a couple really good shots and the rest would be culled and sorted, showing only the best ones. Finally sat down at my computer around 9pm to download all the images and get ready to proof the “sneak peak” I like to send as soon after the shoot as possible.

I opened up the files and the shots that I was expecting to be “really good” were amazing. Something just clicked last night and Lizzie made some gorgeous portraits. Very Cinderalla, ethereal, “I’m waiting for my Prince Charming”. Exactly what I had in mind when I set out to take her pictures.

I can’t show you any of them yet. They are going on the save the date cards and announcements for her Quinceañera in November. Don’t want to spoil the surprise of those! When I can show you, I will. For now, trust me, they are perfect!

I am regularly awed at how God works in my life. Little ole’ me. He has plans for little ole’ me. That just takes my breath away. He’s been molding and shaping me lately and I seem to be growing by leaps and bounds. It has taken me 35 years to discover that it is ok to be me. It is more than ok, it is what I should be doing. I am who I am in Christ and nothing can change that. His view of me is way beyond anything I can even imagine or think and that, my friends, is incredible.

www.redneckmama.com/blog

There were several turtle sightings but none caught on camera very well.

Katy stopped to draw the fungi on the log.  We were trying very hard to slow down and really see what we could find.  Enjoying the small things that in our haste to finish the trail we might have missed.  The calling of birds, the fallen logs, the bugs and tracks.

We followed the path of this creek for quite a while.  The girls had fun having races with leaves.  They found water bugs, minnows, animal tracks and all sorts of interesting tid bits.

Steven found tons of wildlife for us.  Too bad it happened to be the mosquito variety.

All of my girls are talented.  I’m not bragging, they just each have very different abilities that they excel in.  Lizzy is a keen observer.  We jokingly call her the “Eagle Eye” because she’ll spot things that no one else sees unless she points them out to us specifically and we strain our feeble eyes to find the object.  She found several things today that I had to go back and look for because I couldn’t see them the first try.

We saw quite a few of these little guys about.

Lizzy stopped to sketch the butterfly.  About this part of the trail is when Steven and I began to chat about our different approaches and thoughts about the trail and nature walking in general.  He walks in with a goal in mind.  He wants to finish the trail.  He wants to ford the streams and walk the paths, cross the bridges and finish.

I, on the other hand, want to meander through the various highways and byways.  I want to stop and smell the roses, so to speak.  I want to slow down and really look around to see what there is out there.  Tiny butterflies, feathers on the path, berries, deer tracks, strange black dragonflies that we’ve never seen before.

We sort of balance one another out, he and I.  If he was fully in charge of the walk, we’d get in, get out and be done in the minimum amount of time necessary to complete the trail.  If I were fully in charge, we’d be there til Christmas.

Everything was so quiet and peaceful here.  Hard to imagine we were just 20 minutes or so from our house in the hustle and bustle of  D.C.

Emily, of course, found something creepy crawly to play with.

Weather wise, we couldn’t have picked a better day to go.  Barely out of the mid 70′s, overcast, super weather and nothing like the typical July here.  We all wore long pants even.

Lizzy had to show off her bubble making skills.  She’s such a kook.  She always makes me laugh.

Thus ended our first nature walk of the summer.  We plan to go at least once a week to various places around here.  I have oodles of options bookmarked for us to try.  Will be sharing more as we go.

D.C. is so fast paced.  Seems to be a much more “in a hurry” kind of town.  Maybe it is the fact that I’m just over the hurry.  I prefer a much slower pace of life.  Mayberry, so to speak.

In all likelihood, even if we move, the new city will be pretty busy.  There aren’t too many Air Force bases in Mayberry-esque towns.  

Right now, it is a quiet, cloudy Sunday afternoon.  Chances are it will be raining soon.  Perfect nap taking, book reading, movie watching weather.  But, here I sit.  My computer chair bouncing with the agitated, anxious movement of my leg.  Don’t feel like I can sit still.  I need to find something to do with all this pent up “giddy up”.

Sure, I could go clean house.  I’ve already spent one day this week scrubbing the walls and baseboards downstairs.  But I don’t feel like cleaning.  I’d rather save that for when The Boy isn’t home.

I could go read, but I’m not sure I could sit still and focus.  

I have a photo shoot scheduled for this evening but looks like it will be raining by then.  

The sounds of the Braves game The Boy is listening to, which normally keeps me interested, isn’t slowing my brain either.  

Maybe if I write out what things are bouncing around in my brain, I can slow down and lose the fidgets.

The Boy’s job and all the possibilities, that’s the majority of it.  There are many ways this could go and I’m behind him 100% no matter what he chooses.  I’m excited for him.  He’s waited a long time to come to this decision and it means a great deal to his future.  I’ve been praying that God will give him direction and wisdom.  That whatever the answer is that he hears it clearly and there is no doubt.  I’ve also been praying that God will help me to leave it alone.  Not pester him about it.  Not ask all the questions bouncing around in my brain since I know he doesn’t have the answers and that makes him crazy.  I want to be there when HE’S ready to talk about it.  Having prayed him up while I wait.

Now maybe I can go relax a bit now.

I love walking outside first thing in the morning to have a look at all our flowers and our garden.  The new blooms that have popped up over night.

The favorite items that, no matter where the Air Force moves us, are always there.  Peeking out from behind the garden we’ve grown at this home at this moment in our lives.  

I’ve always loved this statue.  Makes me think of my girls, sharing a book outside in the summer.  

Squash blossoms peeking out amongst the leaves.

Tiny green strawberries hiding on the edges of the pot.  Each morning I have to see if the birds have left us any strawberries.  They won’t touch the wild strawberries that grow along our fence.  They much prefer to steal the delectable ones in our strawberry pot.

The promise of fresh summer tomatoes makes me smile.  I don’t love tomatoes, I admit it.  But The Boy loves them.  He’ll walk out to the patio, pick one right off the plant, rinse it off at the sink and eat it like an apple.  Makes my heart happy to be able to do that for him.

I enjoyed taking a few minutes to step outside and take a look at the little things around me.  Sometimes we get in such a rush to hurry along and survive another day.  We’re waiting for that perfect moment, that perfect time to be able to enjoy ourselves.   Retirement, summer vacation, etc.

Step outside today and take a look around.  If you can’t find beauty right away, do what I did.  Walk around a bit.  Sit down in the grass, wiggle your toes in it.  Lay on your belly next the flower beds and just look.  Don’t think.  Just look.  There’s bound to be something there that catches your fancy.

If nothing else, at least you’ll give the neighbors something to talk about.  

My dream garden

If I could have any yard at all, it would look something like that.  The cottage garden has so much appeal to me.  It is untamed and wild and yet controlled and orderly at the same time.  A paradox.  Like me I suppose.  

A profusion of colors, shapes, sizes.  A plethora of fragrances.  A haven for butterflies and birds.  Fat, fuzzy bumblebees lazily looping in and out of flower and leaf.  Small hidden spots of joy nestled into secret spots.  A birdfeeder.  A birdbath.  A pretty bench.  That is my idea of peaceful.

Will I ever be able to have that in base housing?  No, not really.  But that’s ok.  I can have a modified garden in containers on my patio and front porch.  In the flower beds under my front windows.  I can have a vegetable garden that covers my patio.  Corn, squash, beans and peas.  Tomatoes fat and ripe and full of the taste of summer and sunshine.  Juicy red strawberries so sweet and tender and delightful.

On a different note, there are only 12 days until The Boy comes back.  The girls and I are so ready for him to be here.  We miss him a great deal when he’s gone.  The first few days after he left, Kenneth and Frances were here and I was occupied with the last shows of Annie.  My mind didn’t have time to go there.  That’s probably a good thing.  

The house feels strange when he’s gone.  Empty and lonely despite the fact that is anything but.  My home is generally brimming with the sounds of little girls at play.  Giggles and silly songs.  The smell of warmth and play in their hair as they come in from spending time outside.  We call it the warm puppy smell.  

Prior to this trip the hardest part of my day when The Boy is gone had been after the girls went to bed.  Generally that’s “our” time.  We might watch movies, play games, read or just hang out while we both goof off on the computer.  Even more so on this trip the late afternoon into evening is especially tough.  Our daytime hours don’t run concurrently at the moment so there is a large portion of my day that he’s sleeping.  

Now that Annie is over I’m having a hard time getting my ducks in a row.  Maybe it is a combination of that and his being gone.  I have a lot of generic mundane things to get done but each one of them takes a daunting amount of time to complete.  A bit overwhelming to start.  I’m not sure what to tackle first.  It will all get done, just may take some time.

• sodas – holy cow!  I used to drink waaaay too much soda.  Diet or otherwise, I’ve tried the whole shebang.  Now I’m down to lemonade which, I know, isn’t much better from a sugar stand point but at least it isn’t full of a million chemicals.
• junk food – Now don’t get me wrong, I still do eat some junk but not near the quantity that I used to consume.  The food that I do get that is processed is much less so than previous versions.  

This year is one of new things.  Growth and change.  Growing up if you will.

 I’m getting more comfortable in my own skin these days and that’s a good thing.  I’ve spent most of my life hating my body.  And not just for your typical teenage female reasons.  I hated the fact that my body didn’t work normally.  I didn’t walk normally or grow normally.  Heck, I don’t even digest food normally.  I spent YEARS unhappy and miserable about something that will not change this side of heaven.  

WHY?  That is nuts.  And, well, we all know I’m nuts but seriously….that is just crazy.

This year, I’m learning to love the body that God gave me.  It may not always cooperate with what I want it to do.  I may not be able to run with my kids or ice skate.  I may not be able to do certain things but you know what?  This body has done some amazing things.

Did you know that I’ve walked a 5k in under an hour?  That’s still incredibly slow by most athlete’s standards but I was never supposed to walk.  AT ALL.

I’ve given birth to three beautiful girls.  I was never supposed to be able to have children.

I’ve given birth to a NINE POUND baby VBAC!  With no epidural!  My OB argued with me the entire nine months but I did it!

This body of mine can climb mountains, plant gardens, and imagine the composition for some amazing photographs.  

This year I’m giving up the idea that my body has somehow betrayed me and my ambitions.  I’m rejoicing in the fact that this warped body with mixed up guts carries me out of bed every morning to a life filled with love and joy and laughter and tears.  

These arms can hold onto The Boy and feel the 20 years of love there.  They can wrap around my sweet little girls when they first wake up in the morning still smelling like sleep and warm covers.

These legs carry me all day long through the myriad tasks that are required to make our home a welcome refuge.  They carry me around parks and ponds showing my girls the wonderful things out there to find and see and collect.

This mind has the ability to educate my daughters and give them the joy of learning and the desire to find out more.

This year let go of all the stuff that  you’ve been holding onto.  All the gripes and complaints about what you aren’t or your body isn’t.  

Focus on what you are and what your body is and can still become.

I hear the sounds of the same daughter playing her daddy’s computer game.

I smell the soft, spring smell of rain.

I taste homemade lemonade.

I feel like crawling under the covers and reading my book.

Lizzy's Quilt - Froggy Went A Courtin'

 Lizzy picked out the froggy fabric and I found some coordinating fabrics for her to choose her four favorites.  I think she did a great job with her choices.  She definitely has an eye for color and loves the bright prints.  I love it as well.  This quilt makes me smile.  

This was my first attempt at free motion quilting and it turned out fairly well.  Only some “bird nesty” spots on the back but I’m learning as I go.  This technique gives it a whimsical and light feeling which I love.

Lizzy's Quilt - The Scrappy Binding for Froggy Went A Courtin'

This was also my first attempt at piecing together a binding from several different fabrics.  I LOVE the way this turned out.  Next time I’d like to use smaller sections of the fabrics to get a more varied selection.  

How many times have I said I love this quilt???